I find that I suddenly donít know where Iím going in life. The two jobs I sought out are up in the air. The parking job hasnít called me back to say yay or nay. The library job hasnít even started interviewing yet. ARGH! So now I have to deal with the prospect that I wonít get either of those jobs. I need to start looking somewhere else in order to feed myself. Damn stupid shit! Although, I did get an email from my realtor saying that we have a potential buyer for the Bakersfield house. If that goes through then Iím celebrating big time.
It feels like everything in my life is in limbo. Having everything up in the air sucks so much because there isnít anything solid to hold on to. The only thing that I have right now is my photography. Itís the only constant and solid thing, and Iím thankful to have at least THAT to ground me. You know what just came to mind that I find strange? I donít have any photography buddies. Oh well.
On a totally unrelated subject, my VCR died. Itís been on the fritz for a while now, but the other night I put an old tape in the machine and had to push eject for five minutes before it would eject the tape. ARGH! Tape is so last century, but I do have a ton of things that I still have on VHS. I never liked that format, the second DVDs came out I was ready for the switch. A couple of years ago I wanted to convert all my tapes to DVD, but now Iíll have to get a new VCR for that. I didnít throw the VCR out yet though, itís still in my room. Iím going to throw it away, but it does seem strange that I didnít throw it out right away. Hmm, what could that mean?
This subject reminds me of something, I havenít had a ďmovie nightĒ in a LONG time. Even before DVDs became big I didnít rent tapes, I rented laserdiscs. Those huge discs were the DVDs of their time. Good quality picture, good sound, and no rewinding. I still like that old format because there are a lot of things that will never come out on DVD that came out on laserdiscs. My most cherished movies is the original Star Wars (now known as A New Hope). I have a copy that does not have all the new stuff added to it. It is how I want to see the movie, not some stupid new version that has random shit added to it.
So anyways, I want to revive my old tradition of movie night. I spent a nice deal of money a few years back putting up speakers all over my room to give me surround sound. But now I need to upgrade my TV and my stereo. The TV still looks great, but itís small by todayís standards. The stereo is good but I need to upgrade to digital. Or maybe Iíll get a tube amp. LOL
Iím feeling mighty low right now. Iím trying to meditate myself out of this funk. I know what I need and funny enough itís getting rid of need.