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Back to Work -- 01.11.08
 
Thursday was my first day at one of my two new jobs. I arrived early in the morning and got straight to work.

Today was day two and I took to it like a duck to water. Itís pretty simple, Iím either moving books from carts to shelves or vice versa. Itís pretty cool and Iím loving it. I have almost no interaction with anyone, even co-workers. Itís so perfectly wonderful to be given an assignment and then the time to do it. Thereís no politics, no stupid managers not knowing when itís my break, none of that. Iím a little sore from the moving around, but today was great. I got to use my iPod today to help the time pass while stacking the books. I nearly weeped from the joy I felt... no human interaction, a job I do on my own pace, and no human interaction. Wait, I said that already. BTW, if anyone has songs they suggest I download please drop me a line. I need to put some new songs on my ipod so I donít listen to the same ones over and over again.

I was telling my friend how different the library is already compared to crappy Ralphís. The biggest thing is how the managers there treat me like a HUMAN being. I know, what a novel idea. So, already in two days I already feel much more comfortable at the new job... and no human interaction. Sorry, sorry, I know Iíve already said that a million times. But thereís something so great about just doing a job and not having to deal with anything but the tunes playing in my ears. :)

Iím so glad the holidays are over and so far away. I think that next year Iím going to totally ignore Thanksgiving and fucking Christmas. Not that I was that big on any of those, but certainly I tried to get into the Christmas spirit this year and it only served to make me wish I hadnít. So next year Iíll be a good atheist and curse these holidays rather than try to participate.

This year started with an epiphany. I knew that this year would be great if only because it would serve as a contrast to last year (2007). But also, the epiphany happened and it once and for all put certain things into focus. Also, it served to blacken my heart to where it should be... well done. Well done isnít good for a steak, but itís good for my heart. So many things came into focus with one little act of pouring the truth. It was there all the time, but I didnít want to see it because of what I thought it meant. It turned out that it was what I feared it would be afterwards. Nevertheless, the outcome was not negative. It finally crushed me to the point that I could hit bottom, of sorts, with my emotions. I have ALWAYS been optimistic when it comes to everything. Even though the tragic deaths of my Mother and Grandmother, and the recent death of my Father, I have looked at the positive. But this one event finally shown me that there are some things I canít wish for. There are some things that are simply ALWAYS going to be beyond my grasp. There are some things that I will never experience, have, enjoy, or share. THAT thought finally clicked, and all the tumblers lined into place. The sick thing is that the darkness fits like a glove. I thought I was dark before, but that was only a tour of the darkness. It was a weekend getaway to darkness. Iíve taken up residence, and I really like it here.
End Communication.

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