Two weeks after getting the good news about school the Universe has seen it fit to return to its campaign of making me feel like shit. I knew my good fortune was TOO good to be true. I was left a couple of days of happiness before being brought back to Earth with the news that my getting into this cohort doesnít mean I can go back to my old job at the Oviatt library. Which is actually where the majority of my joy was coming from. School is just going to be hard work for the next couple of years. Why would I look forward to that shit? At the end of the whole thing good things might be happening, but until then itís just hard work night and day.
Today I got the news that the house up in fucking Bakersfield is not selling. Weíre getting offers of $20,000 now, which is half of what we were looking at only a few months ago. I mean this is fucking bullshit to the Nth degree. The selling of that house is crucial to my ass getting out of debt and then getting myself back into it with more dental and school bills. This news makes me want to throw up. At that price itís not worth me selling. Not that Iím getting a lot from it now, but Iím looking for that clean break right now. But not that that price. That price is tantamount to me giving the house away. I was practically giving it away before. At that price it would be better for me to just abandon it and forget it ever existed.
Suffice to say, the happiness I felt a couple of weeks ago about getting into school has now eroded to the reality that I canít afford to go if that fucking house doesnít sell for more than a pittance. Once again the actions of my father come back to haunt me. Nothing he ever did in life amounted to anything... even me... especially me. Iím trying to right that ship, but as it is the wind continues to take me out to sea. Thereís more, but right now I just want to scream.