| I was in a tall building last week and I could hardly handle it. I now know that my limit is way lower than 35 stories high. I'm more of a second story kinda guy because that very day I went to the new mall by my house to eat lunch with a couple of high school friends. We went up to the movie theater, which is on the third floor, and looked down at the view of the freeway. It is a nice view because I can almost see my house from there. Anyway, I went to the edge to see just how close I could get and I only got about three feet from the edge before I had to walk back. That so sucks because I know that rationally I shouldn't have this phobia, but I do. I hate it! I try to get over it by walking to the edge on purpose and seeing just how long I can take it. However, the anxiety of it all still gets me down. I know, I'm silly... but I'm working on it. I hate that everything I eat makes me sick. Fuck! Everything seems to hit my stomach and automatically makes my stomach bloat. Not only that, I'm sick of food and how it makes me feel. It's my life's dream to never get hungry ever again. The reality is that I do get hungry, and I hate it. How does one continue to feel content simply being Cyrano de Bergerac for someone they truly love? I asked myself this question today because I'm in the perplexing possition of being Cyrano, loving Roxanne with all his heart, without that love being returned to him. I can't seem to remember if Cyrano ever felt content with his possition, but I know that at times I don't because... well, for many reasons. |
