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A bustle in your hedgerow -- 12.23.05
(1:43 P.M.) My grades are nearly all in, but I can figure out what I got now because I know the grade for the class that hasn't posted grades yet. So my GPA is 3.425, which TOTALLY sucks! What the fuck was my literature professor thinking giving me a B minus?! WTF is a B minus I ask you? It's all that stupid talking we did over her, I'm sure that's what knocked my A minus to a B minus. Fuck! Is it silly of me to be bitching because I have a 3.425 GPA, because it is the best GPA I've had since high school. Hell, it's my best GPA ever, who am I kidding. Still, this GPA has only served to light a fire under me. I so have to do better next semester. I slacked off a little in that literature class and it showed. No more slacking off in ANY class. From now on I'm going to be a model student. LOL I laugh because when have I EVER been a model student? Never, but it's never too late to start. So yeah, I should just be happy with my GPA. When I told Angelica Charla about my grades she was like, "Oh you slacker." She was being facetious, seeing as my GPA is nothing to sneeze at. But, the overachiever here wants to be a little better, OK with you?

Moving on, today's Picture of the Day is entitled "Action Figure."

(2:41 P.M.) Back from picking up a book from the library, Martin Caidin's "Cyborg." Last week I wrote something for Elsewhere that reminded me of the TV show The Six Million Dollar Man, which was inspired by the book "Cyborg." It's pretty good so far. Funny because the main character is Steve Austin, who was only the Six Million Dollar Man until the wrestler Steve Austin came on the scene. So now I have these two opposite images to go along with that name. Strange.

(4:08 P.M.) I just got a call from one of my cousins. She invited me to some family x-mas event. I was thinking today how much I'm going to be glad to see this x-mas go away. I'm pretty sick of this commercialized bastard child of Christmas. I'm stuck here at home anyway. I actually plan on either reading the book I just checked out of the library, or writing MY book.

(8:10 P.M.) So did someone say that it's a day before Christmas Eve? I was surprised to look at the calendar and see that it's nearly Christmas. One of my aunts said to me, "I can't believe it's been a year." She came to be with my Grandmother (her mother) in order to take care of her a year ago next week.

Shit this is a BORING entry huh? Why don't I actually talk about something? Right now I'm in "cave" mode, which basically means that I don't see anyone and I spend most of my time in my room. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all depressed (like I was in November), nor am I going to off myself. I'm actually quite happy with this alone time. It's not like I have much of a choice anyway. LOL ARGH The one thing I should be doing is writing my damn book right now. ARGH! What the fuck am I doing here?

OK, see I do have this doubt about this next chapter. Not surprisingly it is going somewhere I didn't expect it to go. I don't know if any of you experience this, but my characters will often do things that I didn't expect them to do. I know what you're saying, "But don't YOU decide what you're characters do?" Only partially, and I know that's a strange answer. Once a character is in my head I tend to let the character be without my influence. I don't sit at my computer thinking to myself, "That character wouldn't do that." They wouldn't even contemplate doing it if it wasn't something "they" wouldn't do. Again, you're asking yourself, "What the fuck is he taking about?" I'm trying to make the point that a character starts to have a life of their own at a certain point. Besides, I always base my characters on real people I might have known. I think subconsciously I know what that particular person would or wouldn't do. Yes I do try to maneuver a character to do something that will move the plot along, but that doesn't always work. I suspect that if you've read this far you're still wondering what the fuck I'm talking about seeing as an author controls every aspect of their stories. But I don't work that way.

Do you know that I basically write everything in a stream of consciousness? I picked up the technique after reading "On the Road" and LOVING the quick nature of the storytelling. I later came to find out that Jack Kerouac basically wrote the book in a stream of consciousness. That was all it took for me to concentrate my style to match that breathtaking style that I fell in love with in that book. Today I write basically everything in a sometimes haphazard stream of consciousness. Everything from stories to school reports, and such. It's my style now, and every time you read a journal entry of mine you are privy to that style. What you read is what's coming out of my mind as it comes out of my mind. I know sometimes it can be pretty DAMN BORING, as witnessed from the first half of this entry. And other times it can be simply boring, like this second half. Good or bad this is my style of writing now, hence me saying that I go with the flow.

I outline a story in my head, but it rarely goes the way I thought it would go. So far my technique hasn't hurt me academically. If anything that's the main reason I went back to school for my English degree. I'm basically able to write anything I want to write at the drop of a hat. Poetry is still the hardest thing I've had to tackle, but I'm willing to put in the work to become better at it. Only problem is answering the question, how does one get to be a better poet? Shit if I know, but maybe it's just going to take me writing. Yup, the answer keeps coming back to me writing. Ironically it's what I'm doing right now, but this isn't going to get me anywhere but another journal entry. I have a book to write. But before I go let me give you a glimpse into the genius that is the book "On the Road."

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

How FUCKING AWESOME IS that?! OK, you didn't like it, but that's because you're a simpleton who likes your books spoon-fed to you like a baby in a highchair. If you can't appreciate the lyrical style of "On the Road" then it's best you just stop reading my journal, and stop being my friend.
End communication.

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