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No Fun in Funeral -- 11.28.07
 
I buried my Father today. It was a nice ceremony, with a lot of politics. I guess itís typical that people are going to remember the good and not the bad. But itís also typical that people are going to judge things they donít know anything about. One of my relatives was talking to my aunt, who went with me to the funeral, and she was saying some stupid stuff about how I didnít seem to really be sad about my fatherís passing.

Truth be known I didnít cry a single tear for the man. I have already said that I wasnít close to him, but I did feel bad for his family, the one he had after my mother divorced him. They arenít bad people, and in 25 years they did love him. Certainly more than I seem to have loved him. There was a moment when I had to place a carnation on his casket. I had a pair of gloves on that I wore as a pallbearer. I was to take the gloves off, place the gloves and the carnation on the casket and then move on. As I took off my right glove it took my LiveStrong bracelet with it. The bracelet fell on the ground and thatís when I remembered my Grandmother. See, I wear it for her because she died of cancer. Looking at it reminded me how much I miss her and then thatís when the tears came to my eyes. Itís sad that I didnít feel enough for my own father that the only tears I cried at the funeral were the ones that came from thinking of my Grandmotherís passing. Itís really a ďreap what you sowĒ statement, because he wasnít there for me.

After the service I wanted to get out of dodge as fast as I could. My cold, which was subsiding, has come back stronger. So now Iím suffering from a nasty cough and low energy. I didnít want to go to the common lawís house and eat some food I didnít like and then drive an hour and a half in the dark. I simply wanted to get home, relax in my desk chair, and get some greasy food in my belly. All three of those things have now been done. Sunday I go back to work and try to continue as best I can after this horrible month of horribleness.

Tomorrow is another day, and I plan on sleeping in on said other day. Since my father got sick a couple of weeks ago Iíve been eating bad, sleeping irregular hours, and fighting this stupid cold. I think a little rest is in order for the next couple of days before I return to work.

Just to go back to the funeral and the family for a moment. It is my intention never to see anyone of those people again. They are forever criticizing me for being the way I am. Iím sorry that I donít conform to their ideals, and yes Iím being sarcastic. I donít think theyíve ever liked me, not that I really care. Iím old enough to pick and choose who I want to see. And with the last remaining tie to those people now gone I intend to live my life free of them. So yeah, later gators.

So the interview that I was supposed to have had on Monday is still up in the air. They said that the person who was to conduct the interviews was in the hospital, so I guess they havenít gotten out yet. On top of that I have another interview on Monday, this time with the South Pasadena library. Ideally Iíd like to get both jobs, to round out the full work week, and leave crappy Ralphís in the rearview mirror. It was a good place for a while, (no it wasnít) but now itís time to go (that is true). Also, Iím planning on submitting some of my photos to the Brand library in Glendale. They take submissions from ďup and comingĒ artists. Iím sick of having my work collect dust, never to be seen by anyone, even though I upload new pictures to my site every month. I picked 10 pictures, five color five black and white, to represent my talent. I got the email today that they are going to be mailed soon. Then after that itís put them in an envelope and hope that theyíre good enough to catch someoneís eye.

Iím tired, time for me to get some rest.
End Communication.

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