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Steady as she goes -- 03.18.08
 
So the Joe-mobile (pictured below) is officially mine, insured, and 10,000 times better than that fucking asshole car I was forced to drive for over a year, my Fatherís Nissan.

Itís not perfect, but at least I can control it, and it has all its gears working, unlike the Nissan. Iím happy.

So Iíve been thinking about my possible future. A friend of mine said something interesting a while back about the whole library path. She questioned, in essence, if I was really looking forward to being a librarian and helping people look up books about this subject or the other. She put a fine point on the whole thing, and the answer to that question is no. I donít want to just help someone find the book that they canít quite find. I want to write the book they canít quite find.

Someone asked me the other day if I had been working on any stories and I had to tell them the truth, that I hadnít. I havenít written a thing in over a year. That isnít the longest period of time that Iíve gone without writing anything, but it is longer than I expected. After I graduated I had the notion that I would be pounding out a lot of written work. Boy was I wrong. Iím not even close to writing something that I wouldnít want to toss into the trash as soon as I was finished.

I have a good idea idea for a book, but never the time for such an endeavor. But really I SHOULD make time. Any little sliver I have in the day should be devoted to writing notes, refining ideas, and outlining the book. Thatís unrealistic, even as I write that I know that I wonít be doing that. But, if I put some sort of an effort into this thing I can eventually get it done. It doesnít have to be a Herculean effort, but something.

Because at the end of the day I will say that I like my jobs at the libraries, but itís not something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write, explore the world and take a ten million pictures... literally take ten million pictures.

St. Patrickís day I hung out with El Patron and explored a park he recommended I visit, Wattles Park in Hollywood. Sadly the place has been washed away in a flood of annoying dog parks and community gardens with no trespassing signs.

But the day wasnít about visiting a dog park, it was about exploring the city. This is a HUGE city, that seems to stretch forever. There was a guy here on L.A. named Jerry Dunphy that read the news who would start every telecast with his signature saying, ďFrom the desert to the sea, to all of California....Ē The city quite literally stretches from the desert to the sea, and Iíd like to explore as much of it as I can.

But to get back at the subject, Iím sure I like the library environment, but Iím also sure I donít want to just work in a library. I planned my escape from Ralphís soon after graduation, but now I have to plan my escape from the libraries. Not because I donít like them, but because I like something else all the more.

(10:06 pm) I just got home from a full dayís work. For the last few weeks Iíve been waiting for word from my Brand library submissions. Well, the waiting is now over, and I didnít make the cut. My work obviously sucks dick. ARGH!! Itís so fucking frustrating! I know itís only one submission, but I can hear what was said about my work now... itís too safe, not avant garde, not edgy, or anything but plain pretty pictures. I see my life going nowhere after changing for the better at the start of the year. Iím not even 1/4th of the way into this year and Iím already stuck in a rut. It would have been nice to travel. Fucking shit. I need a drink.

End Communication.

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