Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
- MacbethI have to learn to live in the here and now, not in the what might be. In other words, I have to expect the truth, the logical outcome of things. It’s not hard, I’ve done it in the past. But, it is so much easier to imagine scenarios that are more suited for a hack novel or movie. And that’s REALLY what I have to stop. Speculation is fine, as long as it’s logical and rooted in reality. To speculate that my foot hurting is a sign that I’ll win the lottery tomorrow is unrealistic.
I met a woman a few weeks ago that I like (but when DON’T I like them?). But to expect anything other than a friendship is not logical because of who I am, and what happens in these situations. I don’t inspire the passion that I feel. I never do. I’m doomed to forever be the one that feels “that way” and not have it be reciprocated. But this is an old story that I’ve told many times, and which I’m rehashing now. I really didn’t want to do that, because it’s a waste of time.
Today at work one of my co-workers said to me, “You look sad, what’s wrong?” Followed by the advice that I should smile. As if smiling would magically turn my mood. Another thought came to mind though--what does it matter if I’m sad? Isn’t that MY business? Yes, I’m feeling low, depressed at the situation, hopeless. How is that your concern? It’s as if looking at my sad face made her sad. Maybe it did. We tend to take cues from others, more than we know. If we’re down we can certainly bring someone else a little down.
A friend of mine is having her birthday this weekend. When I said I would go I wasn’t feeling like I am these days. Right now I don’t want to go, at all. I don’t even want to go to work tomorrow. I rather just not deal with people right now. I’m forced to because of my jobs, but I think that on my days off I can do what I please. And I don’t want to bother with people. I just want to be left alone. It’s too much to ask, I suppose.
End Communication.
