Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
- MacbethI have to learn to live in the here and now, not in the what might be. In other words, I have to expect the truth, the logical outcome of things. It�s not hard, I�ve done it in the past. But, it is so much easier to imagine scenarios that are more suited for a hack novel or movie. And that�s REALLY what I have to stop. Speculation is fine, as long as it�s logical and rooted in reality. To speculate that my foot hurting is a sign that I�ll win the lottery tomorrow is unrealistic.
I met a woman a few weeks ago that I like (but when DON�T I like them?). But to expect anything other than a friendship is not logical because of who I am, and what happens in these situations. I don�t inspire the passion that I feel. I never do. I�m doomed to forever be the one that feels �that way� and not have it be reciprocated. But this is an old story that I�ve told many times, and which I�m rehashing now. I really didn�t want to do that, because it�s a waste of time.
Today at work one of my co-workers said to me, �You look sad, what�s wrong?� Followed by the advice that I should smile. As if smiling would magically turn my mood. Another thought came to mind though--what does it matter if I�m sad? Isn�t that MY business? Yes, I�m feeling low, depressed at the situation, hopeless. How is that your concern? It�s as if looking at my sad face made her sad. Maybe it did. We tend to take cues from others, more than we know. If we�re down we can certainly bring someone else a little down.
A friend of mine is having her birthday this weekend. When I said I would go I wasn�t feeling like I am these days. Right now I don�t want to go, at all. I don�t even want to go to work tomorrow. I rather just not deal with people right now. I�m forced to because of my jobs, but I think that on my days off I can do what I please. And I don�t want to bother with people. I just want to be left alone. It�s too much to ask, I suppose.
End Communication.
